The Unexpected Journey: From A Girl's Eye View
by HanVanHelsing
Summary: A girl falls into the Hobbit. Everything changes because she is around. Why did Galadriel send her here in the first place? Why does Gandalf say she is here to "save the expedition?" What exactly is going on? Robin is a girl with some skills, but not the type to go against dragons, and definitely not the type to save anyone. Why her? Rated T just to be safe. R&R. Criticism wanted!
1. Chapter 1 So it Begins

**Hello. I am writing two Hobbit fics at the same time. This is the first one to get posted. This one is more going to follow the movie and book, while the other one is going to be mainly book. I am unsure of the character pairings, but for now, it is going to be FilixOCxKili. **

Chapter 1 - And So It Begins

It was a normal day. I had been finishing up my homework, the cat was meowing for food, I was listening to music from ROTK (Return of the

King), and was considering watching the Hobbit on my precious new laptop (my long expected b day present) when something very very

unexpected happened. I had ceased all complaints about a devilishly hard math problem, and was sitting nice and quiet on my mom's

tapestried couch, when suddenly, it hit me I wasn't on the couch anymore. It was all really bright, and all I can remember was that everything

was a mix between a crystal color and a shimmery, opalish white. "Welcome to middle-earth!" said a clear, proud and imperious voice, kind

of what I had always associated Queen Elizabeth I of having. "Who are you?" I said, confidently enough, what with the weird situation I was

in. "I am Galadriel, and you have been summoned by the higher powers to save this world!" I gave a sardonic grin, "You have the right

person, right? Cuz trust me, I have never saved anything in my life. Unless you count the washing machine, and that's because I fixed it. Oh,

and some newspaper clippings on fashion, but then, I guess…" She cut of my ramblings. "You will be a good addition," I more sensed her

smile, than saw it, as I couldn't see anything, "Gandalf will meet you. Farewell until our next meeting." I sat, or floated, or whatever in

silence. _Was my physco obsession with the LOTR world being real causing me to hallucinate?_ All of a sudden, I landed painfully on my

tailbone. Getting up, I saw I was in a garden next to a hobbit hole, in some pretty wicked clothes. A white linen pirate shirt, a blue velvet vest

with black embroidery, black leather trousers with silver links running up the sides, and middle earth style combat boots. A black/midnight

blue leather trench, which came down past my knees, and an outrageously heavy pack, completed the clothing part. Inside my boots were

throwing knives, inside each breast of the jacket were dainty little throwing axes, and a bow and quiver of arrows were slung across my back.

Hi, I am a not so average girl. I have a fondness for archery, throwing pointy objects and manly sports; call me Robin (think Robin Hood). Not

that I am a great fan of that name, it was the only one I could think of appropriate for my story. This is my story, and what happened to me,

what I learned from it, and what others learned from me. Back to present._ As it really seemed like I was in middle-earth, and this wasn't a _

_hallucination brought about by my over wrought nerves, I may as well enjoy the ride, _I thought excitedly. I heard riotous noises coming from

inside the hobbit hole. My guess was that the party was in full swing. I suddenly felt self-conscious and embarrassed. Would they except me?

Would they send me away? Hey, Galadriel said that Gandalf would meet me, so I was going to wait until the wizard decided to appear and

invite me in. Getting out of the garden, I walked down the path and sat on the stone fence next to the hobbit's gate. Was this a dream?

Trance? Hallucination? Would it follow the movie or the book? I heard loud yelling from inside Bag End. "Not the dishes!" yelled Bilbo. My

lips went into a smile. Poor Mr. Baggins. I wouldn't take kindly to the way the house had been treated if it was my place, no siree, I wouldn't

at all. The offending parties would also be quick to feel my righteous anger… but, as this wasn't my house, I couldn't do anything. I was

suddenly aware of someone tramping down the road, growling about a place not being easy to find_. Thorin_, I thought excitedly. Interesting.

As he came around the bend I was struck by how tall he was. Hello, I am 5'5, maybe 5'6, and he had a good three to four inches on me. He

paused when he saw me. "Mr. Baggins house - pause - that way," I said a little snarkily, pointing my finger at the hole in question. "And you

are who?" he questioned, in a gruff, deep voice, but oh so him, that I felt myself go a little weak-kneed. Luckily, I was sitting on the fence. "A

wanderer searching for answers," I said enigmatically. He raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well you won't find your answers just by sitting on a

fence." "Actually, I am waiting for the wizard," I said, barely preventing a squeal. For goodness sakes, understand the importance of the

moment. This was Thorin, and I was actually having a conversation with the temperamental fuss budget. "He's a little preoccupied with a

whole house of your kind, so I thought I'd wait a bit before bothering him." I added. "If it is so important, then it wouldn't be a bother," he

said in an arrogant tinged tone. "Whatever you say," I said, "you should know." He had by this time opened the gate, all the time gazing at

me warily, but with the attitude that I was to lowly to be a real threat. Walking up the path, and after a last look at me, he knocked on the

door loudly. Moments later, I heard loud shouts as the dwarves greeted their leader. I heard him have a whispered conference with

someone, and moments later a tall person was coming down the path. Nice pointy hat, he had about two point five feet on me. So, middle

earth height was different than 21st cen earth height. "You are waiting for me?" said the wizard. "Excuse me," I said, a bit annoyed at the

wait, "weren't you waiting for me?" His bushy eyebrows came together for a moment. "You are the fierce warrior from the other dimension

that the White Lady sent?" "Umm, don't know about the warrior part, but yeah, she sent me, alright." "Thorin will be displeased about this

unforeseen development," he muttered in his beard. "Yeah, sure he will. This is pretty unforeseen for myself," I said, "couldn't get a word in

edge wise with her, much less try to change her mind about sending me here." Gandalf gave a smile, "Attempting to change her mind has

aged me prematurely. Come, let us go in." He dragged me unwillingly into the house. I prepared myself for a possibly uncomfortable time,

and cringed when Gandalf loudly announced to the Co.'s turned backs, "And the final member of this expedition." Everyone turned around

and looked at me with shock, everyone but Thorin. He didn't seem surprised, just very very VERY annoyed. Shouts filled the air, a small few

approving, most disapproving. "A girl?" "Are you serious?" "Is this a joke?" I wondered how long they were going to argue. It had reached the

five minute mark when Thorin roared, "SILENCE!" _Ouch!, _I thought, _this guy sure knows how to break up a party, and fast. _The table was

clear except for a bowl of something hot which he was enjoying. He glared at Gandalf, then at me, then at the hobbit, and then back to the

wizard. Silence reigned for an uncomfortable amount of time. "And what can this girl offer this expedition, wizard? We all have enough to do

without babying an incompetent female who can add nothing to this quest. Besides the fact she is a woman and will just be a distraction,

there is the…" "LaDiDaDiDa." I said loudly. He looked at me once, then motioned to someone to clear his dish, and then proceeded with his

business. I recognized the ploy. Ignore me, make me feel unwanted, I'd soon go boohooing home. Gandalf and Thorin had gotten to the point

about the map when I received my lucky break. "...something that I do not have the skill to read," when I cleared my throat. Everyone looked

at me where I was leaning against the wall looking bored. "Moon Runes," I said, real slow to get the point across. Gandalf's eyebrows rose

about five inches, "An easy thing to miss," he muttered into his beard. He looked at the leader, a slight suggestion of an I-told-you-so look in

his eyes. Thorin merely sniffed and went right back to business like I had never spoken. I was being iced again. Bilbo was given the articles; he

fainted, and then rejoined us. The whole ordeal seemed to reinforce Thorin's "hatred" of their "burglar" and myself. I suppose you'll be

staying for dinner?" Bilbo asked feebly.** (This is from the book.)** "Of course," the dwarves said, "and more after. For business shan't conclude

until late." The hobbit turned pale as a sheet, and I wondered if he was going to faint for a second time. While the dwarves trooped back into

the kitchen, Thorin and Gandalf sat smoking pipes. Gandalf motioned me over, so after throwing my pack down with a bang, I sulkily walked

over. I was unwanted. Glaring, I sat down at the extreme end of the table, propped my feet up, and waited. " Now, wizard," said Thorin,

"what is the meaning of this?" "Miss Robin is from, to put it bluntly, another world! You will cooperate with her, and not argue about her

being here, for in time, she will save this mission from destruction." Thorin and I both looked skeptical. "A burglar is one thing, but a child is

another," he said coldly. "This young woman is from another world," stormed Gandalf, "a different dimension. Age is different there. Look

how she knew about the Runes and…" "which we couldn't read," Thorin interrupted. "They can only be seen by a midsummer's moon," I said,

adjusting my feet, and looking smug. They both looked at me, and Thorin seemed to deflate… slightly. "Fine," he gritted out, "she can sign the

articles. But if the burglar does not come, neither will she. And at the first sign of her being a liability or a hindrance, its farewell, and good

riddance." "Fine by me," I said annoyingly chipper from the other end, "I am sure I can find more important things to do than attempting to

sneak up on dragons." Gandalf looked a little prudish at this, but I actually saw Thorin give a micro smile. In the movie, he was a tragic,

haunted figure. In the book, he was longwinded and pompous. This one was a mixture of both, and I wondered if this was a good or bad

thing. It had been several hours since I had crash-landed here, and all I wanted to do was curl up in a chair and sleep. Alas, it wasn't to be. All

of the Company came out of the kitchen with plates high, and a hysteric Mr. Baggins coming after them. Sitting down, I saw them give me

apprehensive glances: Oin with his hearing aid, Gloin with his reddish beard, Dwalin with his baldhead._ Hmmm_, I thought,_ they kind of look _

_like the movie characters._ They all gave me wide berth, except Ori, who, even though he looked nervous, sat two chairs away and kept staring

at me. All the noise seemed to be centered at my end of the table, as Thorin was also given a bit of a wide berth, and I gritted my teeth and

wished for earplugs. I saw Thorin whisper something to Balin, and a long sheet of paper was passed down the table and deposited in front of

me with a pen. Everyone started whispering, and after glaring death at the louder offenders, I signed my name with a flourish, and settled in

my chair with a smirk. Kili, Fili, and Bofur entered with mugs of ale, and I saw them all stare at me. I in turn, glared at them. _Didn't their moms _

_ever teach them that staring was rude? _Like in the movie, Fili had blonde hair, and Kili had long dark hair and no beard, and they were

somewhat nicer looking than cute, but I was still to ticked off at their uncle to be amiable. Those two came down the end of the table and sat

right next to me, one on either side, which annoyed me even more. One of them even had the gall to put a mug of ale in front of me. "If you

want to be part of our expedition, you have to learn to drink like us," said Fili grinning. "Are you really coming?" added Kili, "why would a girl

like you be allowed to come along?" They potshotted me with questions which I refused to answer, but it sure did intensify my headache. I

took a sip of the ale cautiously, and saw everyone gazing at me far to intently. I am pretty sure they all took bets whether I would drink it or

not. Hey, sorry to disappoint them, but I started slowly sipping at it. "Are you some type of warrior?" asked Kili, leaning in closer. _Hello, ever _

_here of a thing such as elbow room? _I thought, annoyed. "Why don't you wait and see," I murmured in a low voice, the ale burning my throat_. _

_They totally were going to die if I started acting drunk. _"You are kind of young looking," added Fili. _Were they ever going to leave me alone? _

"Appearances can be deceiving," I said in an annoyed voice, "and last I checked, you both are pretty young yourselves." They looked at each

other, then at me, then burst out laughing, slapping me across the back, which nearly caused my drink to spill. "This is going to be amusing,"

said Fili, "I've never gone on an adventure like this before, especially with a sarcastic girly like yourself. This is our chance though to show

Thorin we're not so little any more," he added, whispering conspiratorially in my ear_. Hello, personal space? Ever heard of it_? "That's right,"

said Kili, "we'll show all those old grey beards what we can do." They laughed again and clinked their mugs right over my head_. Thanks a lot _

_for spilling sticky ale in my hair_. Okay, I was starting to lighten up. Sure, I had been sarcastic, grouchy, and an all-around pain so far, what with

my snarky comments and thoughts, but hey, after drinking half a pint of hobbit mead, and a few choice tidbits from what was left of Mr.

Baggins pantry, I started to lighten up, albeit slowly. True, I still wasn't sure if I was in a hallucinatory trance, but by this time, I was not

wishing to go back to the 21st Century. Thinking of my overdue research paper, I was more than happy to stay here in middle earth, even if it

was a pigment of my imagination. As long as I didn't get my head lopped off or my skin fried to cinder, this should be a lot of fun. Well, a lot

more fun than I'd ever experience at home. I drained my pint and waited to see if I would experience any weird side effects. I seemed okay.

Well, as I had never drank alcohol before, I was no expert on whether I was drunk or not. Nevertheless, I didn't feel light headed or hysteric,

so I guess I was good. "She can hold her liquor," said Fili, and I got slapped across the back again. A few others raised their glasses in

appreciation. I guess that among this rough crowd I had just passed an important test. The table was cleared, everyone ordered their

breakfast from an annoyed looking hobbit, and I went in search of a glass of water. I wasn't feeling tipsy, but I needed a drink of something

nonalcoholic. I wandered around. _Snoop dangit, why is this hobbit hole so hard to maneuver? It's a hole, for goodness sake. _I hate to admit it,

but I was lost. I finally found a washroom, splashed my face, rinsed out my mouth, and went to find Gandalf. Seriously, this hole was large. I

couldn't even hear any dwarfish racket. "Where in the blue blazes am I?" I finally yelled to the air. "Lost?" came a voice at my shoulder. I

shrieked, did a one-eighty, and swung out with a karate chop. I do not take well to being startled. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," I with a wacky face. It

was Bilbo. He looked at me with puzzlement. "Did I invite you in?" he asked in an odd voice. "Agh, um, actually, ugh, yeah, I came with

Gandalf. I'm trying to find him." "Oh," he said, "he's in the parlor with the others. Tuning their instruments or something." I totally did not

want to miss the Misty Mountain Song, so I sped back at the speed of light. Gandalf was in a corner smoking his pipe, so I cautiously made my

way over. "Psst, Gandalf," I whispered when I was within elbow reach, "is it really such a good idea for me to come along? I mean, Master

Oakenshield looks like he would happily throw me to a warg if he had such an opportunity." "Nonsense, my dear girl, you'll be fine." I

couldn't get any more out of him, so I sat down and enjoyed the middle earth concert. After it was over, Bilbo scurried around trying to find

room for everyone. I got a bedroom to myself since I was a girl (**yeah**), and even though I was dead tired, I dumped my pack on the bed and

examined its contents: bedroll and blanket, some type of climbing claw/hook, some type of seasoning mix, more throwing knives, two pairs

of soft pants, leather studded chaps, three linen shirts, a scaly leather armor jacket, an interesting leather bodice thing, lots of fluffy socks, a

black cloak and hood, and a massive swiss army knife contraption with a saw and plier gadget. In a small bag was some money, and some

blah blah stuff like brush and mirror. Interesting. I repacked everything and laid down on the bed. _This was going to be complicated, _I

thought. I got the distinct feeling that Thorin was skeptical of his expedition's burglar, and openly contemptuous of me. Not that there was

anything wrong with that, as I was (notice **was** - By the end of this whole ordeal I had a very high opinion of myself) pretty contemptuous of

myself, but sheesh man, keep it to yourself. I wondered how tomorrow would go? Would I wake up in my own bed? Would I still be here? I

hoped it would be the second because I was getting real fond of middle earth. Hey, it was better than laboring over an overdue research

report. I snuffed out the candle, and fell asleep.

**What did you think? Was it good, bad, or ugly? Should I do another chapter? Rate and Review Please.**


	2. Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder

**Authoress: I do own the rights to this story, and since I am Peitra Jackson, you all need to pay me royalties for using the Hobbit name and character.**

**Azog: What? You had What's his name Oaken guy cut off my arm? Die!**

**Authoress: No, no, I do not own the rights to the Hobbit. I am just the Authoress. Gandalf, somebody, HELP!**

**Azog: Prepare to die.**

**Authoress: I cant die, I need to post this chapter. Haha, my pepper spray. - I get away and post the chapter.**

Chapter Two - Off We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder

Next morning. I opened my eyes and sat up with a strangled shriek. This was totally not my room. Where was my Hobbit poster, my blue dream catcher,

the clothes all over the floor? Where was my massive dresser, and hey, my room wasn't painted a creamy beige, it was purple! I suddenly remembered. I

was in Middle Earth! _OH NO! That Oaken guy didn't leave without me, did he?_ I got up and groaned. _Sleeping in leather pants is a serious abomination! _I

ran into the Hobbit sized wash room, cleaned myself up, brushed and braided my hair into a fishtail braid, pulled on my trench, and mentally steeled

myself for bullying, iciness, and death glares. Hoisting my pack on my shoulder, I ran out the room and out the front door as fast as possible. Everyone was

already on their horses. _Hehe,_ I thought triumphantly, _I got up right in time. _"We were about to leave you behind missie," said one of the dwarves good

naturedly. It might have been the light fingered one who is always snatching people's belongings. Nori I think it was. "No worries about that," I said a bit

frostily. Thorin glared in displeasure. I know he was looking forward to leaving me behind. I gave a bright and cheerful smile, which turned a wee bit

strained when I saw Thorin motion to Fili. There was no way I was riding with Thorin's nephew. How over cliqued can you get? (Little did I know how much

riding I would end up doing with them.) I crossed my arms and glared razers. Guess what? He ignored me, clicked to his horse, and started riding away. His

two nephews looked at me, but I in turn ignored them. I then grinned and sprightly jumped in front of Ori, taking the reigns in the process. I shot a

triumphant look at the leader's back, which did not go unnoticed by some of the dwarves, and I know I heard snickers. "I wouldn't have minded if you had

rode with me missie," grinned dark and handsome. I cant say tall as we were almost the same height. "You are a bit to young, brother," said Fili grinning

back, "to be riding with fair ladies." Eye lock and silent challenge between siblings. I rolled my eyes. I was here to have fun, go a venturing, not get caught

up in some sappy, make believe romance. Me? Romance? Hehe, just didn't go. We rode in silence till we got to the Green Dragon, where the rest of the

supplies and baggage ponies were waiting, and everyone dismounted to get breakfast. It wasn't that good, but the Green Dragon mead was exceptional. I

know, what a fool to be drinking again, but hey, Green Dragon ale? I had to try it at least once in my life. Since I was finished before everyone else was, I

went and bought a couple of handkerchiefs for Mr. Baggins, and some leather gloves for myself. It would be cold before long, and I wanted gloves. I went

back to the tavern where everyone was sorting the baggage. "Hey, Mr Thorin," I said, after we were preparing to leave, "that food wasn't that great. Can I

make dinner tonight? Please? I promise it will be really good!" I said it just to be a little annoying. "No," he said gruffly, and mounted his horse. I rejoined

Ori, and spent a couple minutes planning revenge. I rarely offered to cook, but when I did, it was awesome. He rejected my offer, and that sent me

fuming. We rode in silence until someone started making bets about poor Mr. Baggins. Another eye roll. It would be a clique moment if I bet all the money

in the world that he would show up. Sorry, I don't play by the rules. "You want to take a bet, little girl," said Fili, with that all to familiar grin lighting up his

features. "Sure," I said with a smirk, "if Mr. Baggins arrives in the next twenty minutes, I get to cook dinner tonight. If it's a no show, well, as your uncle

told me last night, if Mr. Baggins does not show up, I have to leave this expedition." Silence. More silence. And still more silence. "I'll take the lassie's bet,"

said Dwalin suddenly, "we don't need girls, hobbits who are not burglars, or any other type of gentle folk who cannot defend themselves." Besides Thorin,

Baldy really resented my presence. "I can defend myself, pinhead," I growled. He whirled on his pony, and though he probably didn't know what a pinhead

was, he guessed correctly that it was some type of insult. My life might have been in danger, when Mr. Baggins came puffing wildly down the hill. "Told ya

so," I sang happily, with a sneer at Mr. D. "Make sure she doesn't poison the food," he said with an audible whisper to Bombur. "That was a strange thing

to wager,' said Kili, coming up and putting his pony next to mine and Ori's, "would you really have left if the burglar never came?" "Course not," I said

chipperly, " I would have tagged along at the back annoying your uncle and Mr. D." He laughed at this, a delightful, musical sound, "So, where do you

come from," he asked curiously, "and how old are you?" _Ugh oh, here comes the potshot questions._ "I come from another dimension where people are all

around lunatics. No wizards. No dragons. No fun." "Really?" "Yep. Really," I said, " people have a life span of around 70 to 90, and I am 16 and a half." His

eyes widened, "I am in my 70s and they still thought I was to young to come along." I smiled, "See, my world is totally different from yours." Underlying

meaning: you know nothing about me so scat. He fell silent. _Yes. No more awkward questions. _"Why did you volunteer to cook dinner?" said little Ori from

behind me. "I am going to cook something so insanely delicious that Fili and Kili's grouchy uncle will forget what a pest I am." I said it loud enough for

everyone to hear, and Gandalf shot me a warning glance. "I like cooking to," said Mr. Baggins with a sigh, "just in a proper kitchen." He had his sneezing

thing, and there I was with some nice handkerchiefs. He was so indebted to me over this, and kept saying over and over how grateful he was that I was

around. Talk turned to treasure, goblins, and great worms of long ago. I couldn't really add anything to the conversation, so I chose to remain quiet. After

several hours of plod plod plodding, Bofur pulled out his flute and began a lively tune. When he was done and was about to put it away, I motioned him if I

could borrow it. He handed it over, and after wiping it carefully, I began to play the "Song of the Lonely Mountain," which everyone knows is a variation

on the "Misty Mountains Cold Song." "Well played Lass,' said Bofur admiringly, "most lady folk think its to lowly for them to learn an instrument." And he

took off his hat to me. "You variated that very skillfully," he added, "quite impressed that you could play so well after hearing it only once." Not exactly

true as I listen to it a lot back at home, but I just smiled cheerfully, and bobbed my head at the compliment. When we stopped in a clearing for the

evening, two pairs of hands were already in front of my face, ready and willing to help me down. One pair of hands belonged to blondie, and the other

pair of hands belonged to darkie. Sighing, I excepted a hand each, leaped down gracefully, and went over to look at the food packs. "No molly-coddling

here lads," growled Dwalin, "she can take care of herself, remember?" "A little royal gratitude is always appreciated," I said, with a bit of a twisted smile.

"Gratitude? For what? For distracting our two youngest members from their duties?" he roared. Everyone but Gandalf, Thorin, and myself winced.

"Gratitude for making an insanely delicious meal," I said airily. Since this was day one in our journey, there was plenty of food, including fresh meat and

eggs stored in some dwarfish freezer invention. Delegating Bombur and Bilbo as my helpers, I had them slice bread and start a makeshift grill, while I

mixed minced beef, eggs, crumbly bread, and the seasoning that was in my pack. Then I made them into patties and started cooking. While keeping a

careful eye on them, I sliced a chunk of wickedly delicious cheese (cheddar?) and laid it on the patties. Voila, melt in awe in front of the mighty

cheeseburger. Everyone was looking at them apprehensively, so I took the first one to show it wasn't poisoned. When I didn't drop down dead, they all

began taking tentative bites. It must have been good, cuz they all had seconds, even his Royal Highness. "Aren't you glad you let me cook?" I asked, fairly

beaming at him. He didn't answer but I got a few appreciative slaps from several of his more lighthearted companions. Bombur would give me no peace of

mind till I wrote down the recipe, so after rummaging in my pack, and getting the shock of my life when I found a G-pilot pen and my calico cat stationary,

I wrote it down for him. After cleanup, we all laid out our bedrolls. I was not going to get oreoed between certain somebodies (is that corny?) so I laid my

bedroll beneath a tree a little ways off, and drew a line around the perimeter. After sternly warning everyone not to cross the line, I gave myself a feeble

face wash from a pot of water, and laid down. Wishing in vain for a hot bath and a toothbrush, I fell asleep.

**Authoress: Sorry about the short chapter, I am typing up the third one even as I speak, ahem type. Ugh oh, an ugly creature with a fake arm is approaching. What do I do?**

**Azog: DIE!**

**Authoress: I cant die. I need to live. - What this?- Spell Book. - Smoke starts spewing from the book and something starts appearing.**

**Witch King: I have been resurrected. The world shall be thrown into chaos. Mwahhahahha**

**Authoress: Creepy. Somehow I have the feeling its my fault. At least pale dude with a fake arm is distracted. Can sneak away and finish chapter three. To Be Continued…**

**Note… I have very strict computer time and will only be able to post on the weekends. My other Hobbit fic will be posted soon to.**

**Bye**


	3. Day 2 of this very interesting adventure

**Okay chapter three. Things start picking up in the next chapter or so, I promise.**

**Authoress: What do you think? Interesting? Bleh? So-so? Tell me what you think! Reviews make a writers day. Yikes, I gotta get out of here. An insane Azog thinks I am the reason that his arm got chopped off. And some how I released the Witch King! I have the feeling the White Council wont be to pleased about this. Ugh oh, gotta run.**

Chapter Three - Day Two of an Indescribable Adventure

I awoke to someone kicking my ribs. "We'll leave you behind Missis," drawled a voice. Fili's voice. I leaped up with a strangled shriek, "No crossing the

line," I yelled, "or I'll, I'll…" I rubbed my eyes and stared into the bemused faces of the three youngest. "Sorry," I muttered, rolling my bedroll up. _Zeebus? _

_Did I really have to make a scene this early in the morning? _I really hate waking up early, but I felt bad for scaring the stuffing out of cute little Ori. I mean,

he was shaking, poor little guy. "The line is private property," I said in as stern a voice as possible, "offenders will have a most severe punishment." "Like

what?" said smartmouth Blondie, "a kiss?" "I will cut off all your pretty little hair," I said in as menacing a tone as possible, "braids, beads, and all. I will

make you balder than Dwalin!" Ori looked ready to faint. I couldn't keep the grim act up, and we all started laughing. Thorin looked up, and I became the

recipient of his by now famous glare. He and Dwalin had a whispered conference, and they both stalked over to where I and the three boys were still

laughing. "Before we go any further I need to know if you will be a hindrance or a help," he said in a magnimous and stuffy voice. "Probably a bit of both,"

I said snarkily. "Axe or sword?" he barked. "Neither," I said in the same tone. "Then leave," and he turned to stalk away. "She has a bow," Kili said

hurriedly. "And throwing knives," added Fili. "And these dainty little axes," squeaked Ori. Thorin sighed angrily, while I fixed the lads with an angry glare of

my own, "Digging through my pack?" They just shrugged unrepentantly. "Lets see you skills then," said Dwalin. I sighed, threw water in my face, tousled

and fluffed my hair, and picked up my bow. Dwalin drew a target on a tree and stepped to the side. I aimed and fired. You are probably getting ready to

congratulate me on the great shot, right? Well, sorry. I missed the tree entirely. Two more such shots like that, and I was angrier than a disturbed hornet,

and Dwalin had an evil smile on his face. Hey, I am a pretty good shot, but with critics like Thorin, Dwalin, and three mischievous boys, and an audience of

dwarven warriors, I was way out of wack. "Let Kili show you how its done before you pack your things and get out of here," said Thorin. Kili gave me an

apologetic smile, and whiz, bullseye. I gave Thorin a puppy dog face. "Last chance to show me something spectacular," he said in a bored tone. I sighed,

then saw Gandalf looking at me intently. H e just winked. I fired, and bingo, my arrow was right beneath Kili's. Thorin's face was one of astonishment. I

looked at the wizard and he was looking studiously away. _Meddling old coot, _I thought with a grin. "Move back ten feet and try again," barked Thorin.

Whiz. I split Kili's arrow. Hey, like I said, I am a good shot, but I am definitely not of the skill to split arrows. _Thank you Gandalf for saving my feeble neck _

_from an angry dwarf's wrath. _He had me throw my knives for good measure, and when they hit the target, he gave a sigh of defeat. "I assume I get to

stay?" I asked angelically. He looked at me sharply, then dragged me a little ways off for a private chat. "Stay away from my nephews," he snarled in my

ear, "I need them to have their heads on straight, and not be getting romantic ideas." "You were the one who tried to get me to ride with your oldest

nephew yesterday," I said, "if they got any ideas it would be your fault!" People don't tell Thorin Oakenshield that a potentially delicate situation is his

fault. You just don't. If you do, you are at the receiving end of his extreme wrath. Hey, Thorin is handsome, and talented, and tragic, the perfect setting for

a Byronic Hero, but he has a bad temper, and also has a very high opinion of himself. I was the victim of a rage fest, so the moral of the story is, don't tell

him its his fault. Rule No 1: Nothing is Thorin Oakenshield's fault. Rule No 2: If something is his fault, look back at Rule No 1. See what I mean? When he

finally calmed down, and gave a feeble imitation of an apology for loosing his temper, he repeated himself. "Just keep your distance," he warned. "I will

keep my distance," I said, "but its up to you to keep them away from me." I gave a grin and flounced off. "What was that all about," said Fili sliding up to

me. "Just had to clear something up," I said with a no-questions look. "You'll ride with me today, right?" He just had to ask that. Awkward. "Um, you see," I

stammered. Super Awkward. Thorin sent me another glare. "Excuse me brother," said Kili defensively, "she is riding with me." Triple awkward. Another

eye lock and something passed between them, like a silent challenge or something. If this had been in Medieval Times, I am pretty sure the equivalent to

throwing down the gauntlet had just taken place. I saw Thorin go red, and he looked for all the world like a bull ready to charge and wanting to gore

something, or in this case, someone. He looked ready to come over and bash all our heads together when Balin laid a warning hand on his arm and shook

a negative. "I'll ride with Ori till you two compromise," I said cheekily, "anyway, he's much more polite than you two scruffy, smelly, reckless BOYS." I

accented the boy part and they blushed. Ori blushed also, and this time I got behind him, letting him control the pony. I saw the two princes look

dumbfounded and I saw them have a hurriedly whispered conference. I had the feeling they were not used to being rejected. They were still arguing as

they were mounting their ponies. "Put the lads in their place," said Bofur good naturedly, (he was now my best friend after I had played their theme song

so well) "Durin knows, but they need it." Friendly conversation passed between Ori and myself about the merits of slingshots, and I commented on and off

on a slightly heated conversation between Bilbo and Bombur about the cleanliness of cooking utensils, and whether spoiled food can be used if you used

enough seasoning. I sided with Bilbo on both of the matters. On looking behind me, I could see Fili and Kili were both annoyed, and I sensed annoyance

seeping from Thorin in the front. Gandalf was also annoyingly chipper, and while I couldn't complain about him since he saved my scaly hide from being

kicked out of the expedition, he totally set off my warning bells. _Something bad is totally going to happen. _I was right, in a way. Suddenly, out of no where,

I was pulled of Ori's pony and deposited in front of Fili. "Excuse me?" I hissed. Now I was annoyed. "We came to an agreement," said Kili in a chipper

voice, "you ride with Fili for what's left of today, and you ride with me for the entire day tomorrow." "Does anyone seek to consult me about who I want

to ride with?" I muttered, "and has anyone bothered to consult your dear, darling, angelic tempered uncle?" The partners in crime looked at each and just

started laughing. _Hello, _I thought annoyed, _a little support here! _When Thorin turned to see why his nephews were sounding just oh way to jolly, he nearly

had a heart attack, poor guy. Gandalf, with his wizardly wisdom, was able to calm him down before he had an explosion, but barely. It got worse. Almost

every person there, with the exception of Thorin, Balin, Bilbo, and myself, were joking about the whole bloody FxMexK thing. Even Gandalf had to give a

comment. '_No Romance!' _I screamed internally, _I will not get involved. Absolutely no way!' _I smelled of pony hair and sweat, I needed a shower, I was

uncomfortable and embarrassed, and still, no sign of a darn adventure. Nothing that even smelled of an adventure. It was nearing the day when, for no

reason, Bombur's pony took off without even a neighing goodbye. I mean, it just took off. We all followed, to find Bombur in a stream with a pot on his

head, and his pony calmly taking a drink. **(In the book, the pack horse took off, and Fili and Kili were almost drowned. I diverged because those two will **

**be getting plenty wet in the next chapter.) **Really? I nearly cried with joy: running water. I could take a bath! After getting their cook out of the water,

and all his utensils dried off, everyone started getting ready for the night. I moved down half a mile after warning everyone not to follow, on pain of

having their hair and beards scalped, and took a bath. There was a bottle of shampoo and conditioner in my pack. I shrugged off the oddity of how things

kept appearing in my bag, and proceeded to scrub myself thoroughly. I washed my clothes, changed into a clean shirt and the bodice thing, donned a pair

of soft velvet pants, and since the bodice thing was, ahem, well, different, I put on my black cloak. I left my hair down since I was tired of having it in a

braid, and returned to the camp, hanging up my dripping things on a branch. I also hung my trench up to air out, then set my bedroll as far from the

others as possible, drew my line, and walked over to the fire to get some stew. Everyone looked at me like I was a stranger. "Well Missie," drawled Dwalin,

"not so tough looking now, egh? Bet you'd be taken out in a second if we were attacked." I ignored him, poured myself a generous bowl of potato and

beef hodge podge, and moved back to my bedroll, where I began eating. I reveled in the clean feeling and the peacefulness, which was quickly ruined

when the three youngest sauntered over. "You look improved," said Kili. "Though you look beautiful anytime," said Fili, giving me one of his charming

grins. Or so he thought. Ori just blushed and nodded in agreement. "All very sweet to my ears," I said, "but Thorin is looking in our direction with royal

displeasure." "Agh, don't worry about him," said Kili, "we can handle anything he throws at us." His grin faded when Thorin and Mr. Dwalin stalked over.

"You two have the first watch," pinhead growled to Fili and Kili. Those two walked away, dragging Ori with them. "Try to remember what I said," said

Thorin in a growly tone. _Seriously, does all this guy know how to do is growl when he is angry? "_Hey, I am not giving them any encouragement, okay your

highness?" He looked unconvinced, but he and his enforcer swept away. I sighed in exasperation. Those four were going to be hard to manage. I lay down

but sleep would not come. Last night I was so tired I fell to sleep immediately, but know I was acutely aware of the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.

The dwarves snoring was horrendous. I tossed and turned for awhile, then sat up with a groan. I could see Fili and Kili sitting by the fire, and a little ways

off Gandalf sat blowing smoke rings. I got up and sat next to the wizard. "What is it?" he said. "Is this a dream?" I said hesitantly, "am I really here?" "Of

course you are here my dear. How could we be having a conversation if this was a dream_?" Gandalf was entirely to sassy for his own good_. "I am a girl. I

cant add anything to this expedition. I am useless, dead weight, a hindrance." Gandalf raised his eyebrow, "Lady Galadriel is far wiser than me, and many

thousands more wiser than you. Everything shall be worked out in its own time. Rest now for tomorrow is going to be a long day." I went back to my

bedroll and fell asleep.

**Authoress: Pant, heave, collapse. "I think I am safe for the moment. Let me tell u, its no fun the running I've been doing, not fun at all. Yah, there he is.**

**Azog: DIE!**

**Authoress: If you have a complaint about your arm, take it up with Peter Jackson.**

**Gandalf: Poof. Whiz. Explosion. "You are Miss Jackson?"**

**Authoress: Nope, wrong person.**

**Thorin: You wrote that Azog's arm got cut off? I am so indebted.**

**Witch King: Time to Wreck HAVOC!**

**Troll 1: Who's that?**

**TRoll2: Can we eat him to?**

**Gandalf: Where did he come from. - glares at poor me- Miss Jackson, a talk.**

**Authoress: Sorry, I am really busy. Homework, cooking, etc. I'll take I raincheck. - I get outta there fast-**

**The Misadventures of the Authoress: To Be Continued...**


	4. Chapter 4 The Adventure Continues

**I have broken regulations and posted a chapter on a Monday this I never posted one yesterday. Hope you like. Kinda just a filler, but I am trying to make it seem realistic and not just shoot to all the movie scenes at once. Special thanks to GuestGirl for her review. It gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Also, thanks to the people who followed me. It made me feel very special. **

**Authoress: So, I am hiding from an angry wizard, a psycho witch king, and an ork that thinks its my fault his arm got lopped off. Any suggestions on how I am supposed to get out of this sticky situation?**

**Gandalf: Miss Jackson, how did you release the witch king?**

**Azog: How did you write that my arm got byebyed?**

**Thorin: How did you do that anyway?**

**Witch King: Yessssss. Free to wreck havoc and mayhem. Many thanks for letting me out. Now you shall die!**

**Troll 3: I vote that we eat that scary dude with the black cloak and no face.**

**Troll 1: I want to know what it is before I eat it.**

**Troll 2: Lets just stomp on it! - squish stomp. The witch king floats away.**

**Trolls 1 2 & 3: Scary, run away and hide. - they go and burrow in there hole.**

**Azog: My precious arm! My arm! Now there is a metal prong thing. Die a painful death.**

**Authoress: Its peter jackson you need to give a painful death, not me. He was the one who fed your hand to the crocodile!**

**Everyone: WHAT?**

**Authoress: Poor joke. Whist. Smoke bomb. I sneak away and get the chapter posted. **

Chapter Three

This time, instead of a kick, it was a bucket of water thrown in my face. I awoke spluttering and swearing revenge. _Trust me, I am violent when disturbed. _

"What in the name of gandalf the grey are you doing?" I yelled, shaking water from my clean hair. "Hey, you told us not to cross the line," Kili said, leaning

over me with a quirky smile, "its your own fault for not getting up when called." "I am not getting up now," I said, acting like a two year old, "I have been

insulted." And I made a face at him. "Really?" he said. He stepped over the line and splashed more water on me. "You shall pay!" I yelled. I got to my feet,

grabbed Bombur's ladle, and ran after him, threatening to stove his head in. Thorin-glare- but Balin just chuckled and said it was good to see young people

so lively this early in the morning. We were near the water's edge when I tripped over a root and fell right into Kili's back. I fell with a thud on the bank,

but Kili went into the water with a splash. "I hate getting wet," he roared. "You should of thought twice before dumping that bucket of water on me," I

said. He just started laughing and I joined in. "Seriously, you were so disgustingly dirty. This must have been your first contact with water in over a year!' I

said. "Something like that," said Fili, coming over to see what the commotion was about, "Well little brother, this is the first time a girl has actually been

chasing you. Usually its always been the other way round." "That is not true," said Kili in an outraged tone, "I was to busy to be chasing women. And so

were you, even though they always seemed to be following you about." "Well missie, looks like you have a clean traveling companion," said Fili, "though I

cant say its made much of an improvement. Are you sure you don't want to ride with me again?" I waved the ladle at him good naturedly, "look who's

talking! You are even dirtier than him." He just gave me his most melting smile, "I am just so handsome, unlike my kid brother, it doesn't matter." "Oh

really?" said Kili, climbing out and looking for all the world like a drowned rat. He shook his hair like a wet dog-swoon-, and turned toward me, "What do

you say about that?" "Pardon?" I asked. "Who's handsomer?" He said with a mischievous smile. I just snorted in disdain, and made to walk away when I

slipped on a muddy part of the bank. Oh egads, I fell on top of Kili for the second time. "Guess that's your answer brother," he said with a smirk, "twice in

less than an hour she threw herself at me." "You deranged psychopath," I yelled, and rolled off of him, so embarrassed I thought I would die. His Royal

High and Mightiness had to choose that moment to come over. "what are you fools doing?" he roared, "stop wasting my time before I send you back

home." "Which just so happens to be the way you are heading," I said saucily_. Zeebus, sweetie, why cant I keep my mouth shut? _ All anger was then

turned on me, "This is all your fault you incompetent female. My nephews are turning into donkey's because of you." "Maybe its more you than me," I

suggested, "if you had raised them better this wouldn't be happening!" _WOW! Robin, you sure have a lot of tact! _If he had smacked my blooming face, I

would have deserved it. But he didn't. Strange to say, his tirade was quelled. He just sighed in exasperation and walked away. As soon as their uncle was

out of sight, his two darling nephews started laughing their heads off. "Very funny," I fumed. "Am I clean enough to ride with you now, oh most fair lady?"

Kili asked with a dripping bow. I merely shook the ladle at him and went to return it to Bombur. _Zounds, I thought with a grimace, sometimes I actually _

_wish I was a guy. _I packed my dry clothes and donned my jacket, which seemed to smell slightly better after hanging in the breeze all night. I then went

toward the ponies. Kili just motioned me over to join him, but I just gave him an apologetic smile after noticing Thorin looking at me intently - thank

goodness, not a glare- and joined Ori again. Kili came up next to us and literally glared poor Ori to death, "Careful who you ride with all the time little girly,

or I'll think you like him more than you do me." "But I do," I said seriously. He looked at me sharply, as if unsure whether I was joking or not. "Put him in

his place, lassie," said Gloin, _Gosh, dwarves were even nosier than old ladies,_ "He's always been treated to nicely by the women folk and his head has

become bloated." "I can believe that," I said with a charming smile to Kili. "Better luck next time," said Bofur, "seems the lass is more partial to your

brother than to you, lad. Why, she was willing to ride with him when he was as dirty as that horse, but you she's a givin the cold shoulder!" I swear, I could

have wrung him and eaten him, furry hat and all. Fili gave a pleased smirk, oh, he just looked so full of himself, and Kili looked as outraged as I have ever

seen him. "'Nuff flirting," roared Dwalin, "And you all," he added to the other, "no encouraging them." "Just a wee bit of fun makes the journey easier,"

said Bofur. I highly resented that. I was not the type of person to let someone else have fun at my expense. "So which one do you prefer, lass, the elder or

the younger?" asked Gloin inquisitively. All the decent dwarves crowed around as best they could, since we were all on ponies, and going at a brisk trot at

that. "I like Ori the best since he's so polite…" all the faces fell at that, "and well, who I really like and admire…" I stopped with a grin. I was really going to

throw a wrench into the throng. I paused for effect. "Who, who?" they all asked. "Well, it's a tossup over…" "Fili or Kili, who is it?" demanded someone.

"Them? Haha, its Thorin. I mean, his glare is so impressive, and his roar when he is angry? Amazing. Totally going to stick around him so I can learn to do it

myself. Close second is Dwalin. Really. The dude is under rated. He looks so scary, likes intimidating people, totally my type of guy." Everyone looked

stunned when I said that. "But they don't even like you," said Ori in disbelief. "That's the secret," I said in a loud whisper, "they actually think I am totally

amazing, but, being under the impression that it would make me even more unbearable to have me know that they actually respect me, have decided to

hide that admiration under a mask of hatred." Dwalin turned red at these words, "Now look here missie…" he had started to growl when I interrupted

him, "I don't like you one bit," I said in a perfect imitation of his scottish accent, "you are a liability and a hindrance." Everyone nearly fell off their horses

at this, and I even got a couple of slaps on the back. "Are you sure there isnt someone you really like?" asked Nori. I swear, he asked that just to distract

everyone so he could pick someone's pocket. Thorin gave me an odd look, and I squealed silently to myself. _I am making slow progress, that wasn't a _

_glare! _"Fine, Bombur. He can make something bad taste really good, and that is an admirable skill." Everyone gave groans. "Agh, for goodness sake's lass,

just tell the truth," said Bofur, "they are handsome as a dwarf could be, royalty to boot, and a great hand at finding trouble. Which one is it?" I lost my

temper, "Listen! I am not here for romance. I am here for an ADVENTURE. People, adventure. Do I need to repeat it again. ADVENTURE! Have fun, help,

be annoying, and find trouble, without falling for two lily-livered pranksters." Everyone stopped joking at this, and I saw Thorin with a faint smile on his

features for less than a second. Dwalin, _what a grouch, _ruined the moment, "Here to help, egh? Why not try j=keeping your mouth shut for a bit!"

"Keeping your mouth shut would greatly improve the atmosphere, laddie," I said, mimicking him again. Everyone burst out into laughter at MR. D's

expense. I glanced toward Kili who had been sulking ever since Bofur had made the crack about me being partial to his brother. Zhe looked up and gave a

roguish smile. _Ugh oh, why did I ever look?! _He clicked his pony over toward me and grinned mischievously. "I am just getting on your uncle's good

side," I whispered, "please don't ruin it." "Now why would I do that?" he asked, looking like he was up to something. "What are you two love birdies

doing?" roared Dwalin, hoping to pay me back. "We were discussing you, Master Dwalin, and your impressive bark, but feeble bite," I retorted. Laugh, and

at his expense. He was mad, alright. _Sheesh, I thought, I might be able to win over Thorin, but never him. _I didn't want a scene so I moved Ori's and my

pony to the back of the line. Fili followed. _A little tact? Nope, those two were has dense as the swords they carried. _"Tell me a story about you," he said.

"All boring," I said, hoping to escape from a sticky situation. "Please. It would make me very happy." I stared at him from the corner of my eye. We were

riding side by side, and he was looking straight ahead, and didn't seem to be planning trouble. "Fine," I said, "I'll tell you a story. It will be boring though." I

sat in silence for several seconds. "Something were you got in trouble," he said with a small smile. "Wheest, there are hundreds of those. All right. When I

was little, my parents were paranoid about robbers. They would warn us every night to make sure the doors were locked or robbers would get in. In my

little pea sized brain, I thought that if the door was unlocked, robbers would show up. Now I really wanted to meet a badguy, so that night, when it was

my turn to check the doors, I unlocked them all, and even unclasped and opened the windows for good measure. Well, the next morning, mom goes into

the kitchen. The entire pantry had been turned apart, and there are two raccoons raiding the everything. Of course, my parents found out it was my fault.

I got into a ton of trouble, and I didn't meet a badguy. I sulked for about two weeks until I took an interest in "fishing" in our creek. Another story for

another time, in which I got into a lot of trouble. Now its your turn." "Let's see…" said Fili. "You have to get into a lot of trouble," I said, "its only fair."

"Well, Kili and I were supposed to be asleep…" "Of course. All mischief usually starts because a little kid doesn't want to sleep," I said dryly. "Hmm, well,

we were in our home in the Blue Mountains, supposed to be asleep. Thorin and Dwalin were having an important meeting with our relatives from the Iron

Hills. The serious part of the meeting was over, and they were all enjoying a drink and were joking and laughing. From the stairwell we saw our young

cousin sitting in the back chugging away at some ale, so we thought, why not us?" "I can already see where this is going," I said with a laugh. "I thought we

should try the more tactically sound approach, but Kili just walked right up to our young cousin and said, "Nain, how abut a drinking contest?" I don't no

where Thorin or Dwalin were, but we all sat on the floor chuggin away at the ale, pretending we were big stuff. Why nobody thought to stop three young

fools drowning themselves in liquor still puzzles me to this day. Then Kili had the bright idea that whoever couldn't hold his liquor had to stand up in front

of everyone (remember, we were trying to keep a low profile) and yell that he was still a baby and that the winner was an adult. We were already half

drunk, so Nain and I both agreed. Ugh, the little twerp. I later learned that Kili was dumping out his drink when we weren't looking. Well anyway, I and my

cousin lost. We were so drunk we didn't even no what we were doing, and we just stood up and shouted that we were still little kids and that Kili was an

adult. Thorin and Nain's father, Dain Ironfoot, rushed over at the first squeak of our voices. They were madder then, well, they were mad. I and Nain were

both the heirs of the two great dwarf cities, and we were punished horribly. Even though it was Kili's idea, I was the one that Thorin punished. I can still

remember Kili's face as I was lead out to the woodshed. It was positively gloating. I paid him back less than a week later. Still smarting from the sting of my

uncle's heavy belt and the embarrassment I had received, I punctured my mother's prized lampshades with one of my brother's arrows and left a broken

arrow sticking out suggestively from under a chair. His howls were heard from three blocks away. Then for the next year we pretty much destroyed the

house and forge trying to get each other back for the crimes we framed on each other. Thorin eventually figured out what was happening, and strictly

warned us that if we ever framed each other again for a crime that we ourselves had committed, he would send us away to Moria. Of course he was just

trying to frighten us, but it worked. From enemies to partners in crime we became in one day, and instead of it being just one little brat causing mischief

at a time, it was two. I think Thorin still regrets reconciling us sometimes. We turned Ered Luin upside down with our antics. Well, there is my story." We

went back and forth the rest of the journey, each one increasing with the havoc we caused. Believe it or not, but I rose in Fili's admiration because of all

the bad things I did as a bratty little kid. Kili just continued to swivel his head around and glare at his brother from his position at the head of the troop. He

turned really dark in the face when we shared a laugh together, which was at his expense. When we stopped for the night, I was the happiest camper in

the world. I was tired, and had some saddle sore because of all the riding we had been doing. We had gotten to rocky, stark and uncivilized area, and

there was no tree for me to park my bed under, and as we camped in a shelter surrounded by rocks, I couldn't just go tramping off to my own personal

boudoir. I sat down on my blanket with a sigh, pulled off my combat boots and socks, and let my toes breath. It felt really good wiggling them about. I

shook out my hair and braided it again, and pulled on fresh socks. I scowled when the three youngest trooped over with their bedrolls. "Scat," I said firmly,

"no bearded or beardless guys allowed." "To late," said Fili with a smirk, "you forget to draw your line." And he put his stuff next to me. "Anyway," said Kili

defensively to the murderous glare I gave them, "we are in dangerous territory with many foul creatures about. We cant protect you from across the

camp." "Double scat," I growled, feeling annoyed at how they were treating me like a defenseless female _Note to self: I was an almost defenseless female. _

"I want to get your grouchy uncle to respect me. If foul things attack and I take care of myself…" "Agh, just sit there looking pretty , keep your mouth shut,

and let us take care of you," said Fili, laying out his blankets a little to close to mine. My inner I am Woman Hear Me Roar spirit was ticked off at this, but

my Robin is a sucker for gentlemanly guys and flattery won over. Ori got down on my other side but with a bit of a more respective distance and gave me

a shy smile, which I returned. Kili paced back and forth wondering where to go, and glared at the two already entrenched at my sides. He finally sat down

at my feet, and sent me one of those smug, self satisfied smiles which causes a girl to melt and feel incensed all at the same time. "You never rode with

me," he said in a sulky tone, "and then you spent the whole time talking with my brother." "And look what it got me," I said, "barely any friction with your

uncle. Give me some room," I barked as I tried to stretch my feet and hit Kili's side. "You wont be cold tonight missie," he said with another smirk. I tossed

one of my boots at him but it missed. "Well, doesn't this look cozy," drawled Dwalin, coming over. _This guy is as bad as Thorin! What a pest. _"When will

we be getting invitations to the joint wedding?" That added insult to injury. Inner I Am Woman Hear Me Was Roar was aroused, and I took on the scary

pinhead. "You can stand on your bald spot and complete the party when we have it, baldy," I retorted. _Hey, the guy annoyed me. _He roared curses at me

in dwarvish and I just yawned and looked bored, which made him even angrier. "Hold your tongue, brother," said Balin, "if ye wouldn't harass the young

folk mindlessly she wouldn't have said anything." Gandalf came over muttering, "Keep good care of this girl," he said loudly, "if anything were to happen

to her it would spell doom for the entire expedition. She was sent here by the heavenly powers to aid you, and you treat her as if she was a nobody. It

would be very ill for you in more ways than one if she became injured or died because of your carelessness. In fact, it's a good idea to keep these boys

around her." He stalked off to have a private conversation with Thorin and Balin, and I settled down for sleep. My last conscious thought was that for the

first time since starting this journey my feet were warm.

**What did ya think? Is it to fluffy? Should I continue with the triangle thing? Should I make it more a rectangle with another character involved? Let me know! I have this one page parody started and one of my chapters will be devoted to that. Trust me, my two brothers and mom contributed to it, and I was laughing so hard thinking about it when I was supposed to be writing my japanese tea ceremony report.**

**Authoress: No, my papers. My reviewers. Gandalf what have you done?!**

**Gandalf: I have taken them away until you explain how you have gotten the witch king resurrected.**

**Authoress: No, please, merciful. I will tell u everything. I was escaping from the scary pale guy and I opened up this book, and poof smoke and witch king just appeared.**

**Gandalf: this is very serious- thumbing open newest iphone- white council, maydaymayday, houston we have a problem.**

**Authoress: what? U have an Iphone and I am not even allowed one of these rinky dink texters. I sulk with the unfairness. - while gandalf is distracted with his precious iphone I sneak away.**

**The Misadventures of the Authoress… To BE Continued **


	5. Horse, hair Washes, and a Game of Truth

**Kinda just some more filler. Want to show some bonding with Fili, Kili, Ori, and Robin, and you kinda see some more of their respective characters. Would like to mention SakuraYuuki19, my reviewer. She and I have been role-playing in a forum by Alex the Sorceress. Maybe one of you readers could join as the witch king or somebody. Lizzie O3 AppleJucie is the reviewer of the week, and Lucia123 recommended that I add Truth or Dare right when I was in the middle of writing their dialogue during the game of Truth. Kudos to your awesome mind reading. **

**Au****thoress: Haha, another chapter. Gandalf threatened to take it away, but when he heard about the threat of a resurrected witch king, he became so engrossed in his iphone, he forgot. Hopefully he forgot about me.**

**Gandalf: Miss Jackson, the white council has summoned you for questioning.**

**Authoress: Buzz off old guy, I need to get this chappie posted. Oh, rings preserve us, not Captain Hook, ahem, white ugly pale dude again. He is **

**brandishing his arm and looking ticked off. Where is a crocodile when I need one.**

**Azog: Prepare to die.**

**Authoress: Gandalf HELP ME! - gandalf is staring at his phone and does not realize my peril. I pick up the spell book thing. Smoke starts issuing from it and a balrog flies out.- Gandalf is totally going to murder me. While pale mr hook ork guy is about to get fried, I sneak away.**

Chapter 5- A Game of Truth and a Hair Wash

"On your feet, on your feet," roared Dwalin's voice, "or we'll leave you behind!" I sprang up hastily and looked around, no sign of the boys. What a relief,

in a way. It would have been highly embarrassing if I had woken up like an oreo cookie. (A certain author will understand what I mean). A hurried, though

delicious stew, and then the ponies were hastily packed. Fili sauntered over, gave a courtly bow, and gave me his trademark smile, "How did you sleep?" I

rolled my eyes, donned my boots, and pulled on the leather armor shirt that was scaly and looked interesting. "Will you ride with me today? We can tell

each other more stories about how bad we were." "Cant we tell them just fine from Ori's pony and a meter between us?" I asked sweetly. "Hey," said Kili

rushing over, "I get her today." _Hello, selfish dwarf princes, I am not a favorite teddy bear for you to be arguing over. _"Not so fast little brother, you had

your chance yesterday." "Excuse me, she rode with Ori." "Still, doesn't matter. If you had really wanted her to ride with you then you would have taken

matters into you hands," Fili said with a teasing smile at his brother. "Don't you guys feel cramped with me along," I interrupted, trying to break up the

sibling rivalry. "With someone as fair as you?" teased Fili, "of course not." "Stow the fancy talk blondie," I grinned, "It's all a bunch of hogwash and you

know it." "She rides with me this time," said Kili getting all riled up. _Now I really felt like a teddy bear being used as a tug of war game. _

"Only one way to solve this," said Fili after they went back and forth, "And that is for Robin to do it. Give a kiss to the person you want to ride with." I

swear, he smirked so deviously I wanted to smack him. I pranced off and gave a kiss to Ori, on the cheek of course. "You don't mind me again?" I

asked in response to his aflame face. He looked sheepish, yet somehow happy. "hey, not him again," said Kili in shock. Fili just seemed amused at how

I had escaped from them, but his younger brother seemed genuinely upset. "Take a bath and then I'll ride with you," I teased. "I'll do that," he called

out from his pony. Everyone stared. "He must really like you," said Bofur incredulously. "And why is that?" I said, as we started away. "As you noticed,

he never, no never, takes a bath," was the answer. All I could reply was "Gross." "See lassie, you'll be a good influence of him yet." I sighed. Kili put

his pony next to mine and just stared at me accusingly with his gorgeous eyes. "What?" I barked. "Talk to me," was all he said. _Another awkward _

_questions session about my life. Oh boy. _"About what?" "Tell me about yourself?" was his request. I sighed. He wanted to know lots of info about me

huh? Was this the Middle Earth equivalent to bringing your special person to meet the in-laws? Whatever, and I plunged ahead. "Right. My name is

Robin. I am not a bad shot at archery as you saw, I love pointy objects, purple is my favorite color, I like watching the stars at nighttime, I am always

getting into trouble and being yelled at, blahblah blah. I like to sing when no one is around, I play the flute when no one is around, and I like to draw

when no one is around. I am loud, and obnoxious, and I have been told by outright strangers what an unpleasant person I am and that they shuddered

for my future husband." I paused for a breath and he laughed one of his beautiful musical rare laughs. "I agree about the obnoxious part," he said,

"but I don't shudder for your future husband. In fact, I envy him." _Crap, that was a little to something. Kinda awkward to. _I blushed, and Fili, who had

been watching us intently, used this as an excuse to come over. As the road was wide, he got on my other side. "Is someone's face red?" he asked

inquisitively. I leaned over to swat him, but he ducked, and I would have fallen if Kili hadn't grabbed me by my other arm and righted me. "Its your

imagination," was all I said. He just shrugged. "I couldn't help but catch some of your conversation," he said, "want to let me join in.?" "No," was Kili's

gruff response. "Whatever," was my airy reply, "lets play a game called Truth. Everyone takes a turn, one at a time, and has to answer truthfully the

questions put to him by the others. Ori, you get to go first, 'What is your favorite pastime?" "Drawing and practicing my handwriting," he said with an

embarrassed face. "What is your favorite weapon besides a slingshot?" said Kili looking bored. "Um, umm, I don't know. Ugh, a sharp pen?" The

princes looked puzzled but I slapped his back, "You know what they say, the Pen is Mightier than the Sword." "Who do you dislike most in this

company?" said Fili staring at me as he asked the question. "Um, I don't dislike anyone," he said with a puzzled look. "You have to answer," I said in a

singsong voice. "Fili," he finally said, "he was the first person to get me drunk." I raised my eyebrow and Fili just laughed, "That," he said, "is a story

for another time." "Right," I said, "Fili, your turn then. Who do you admire most?" "Uncle," he said, "even though he belted me plenty as a lad." "Who

do you like best that is present," said Kili with a challenge in his tone. _Maybe it wasn't such a good idea that I suggested this game. _"Oh, it would be a

tossup over my horse and the fair lady," and I saw him give his brother a look. "That is a mistruth," I said, wagging my finger at him, "you will now

receive a penalty." "Its not a mistruth," he said, "after my horse and my brother, I love you and Thorin best." "I feel so loved being grouped with

him," I commented, "seriously Blondie boy, I've known you for about five days. I could turn out to be a really villainous and evil shape shifting spider

that wants to entangle you in a web and then eat you whole. Be careful who you say you love. Its those you love that can hurt you the most." "Is that

why you wont get close to anyone?" said Fili, staring at me intently. "Ori, ask his royal highness a question!" I said, cutting off the debate. "Hmm, what

is your favorite dish?" "Dish as in food, or in the plate? If it's the tableware, it would have to be Mr. Baggins hundred year old china. Food wise, its ale

soaked boar incrusted in pepper. Kili, your turn. Who do you like best that is present?" _These two could be world class jerks, even though they were _

_raised as royalty, I thought with a grimace. _"Oh, well it isnt you," Kili said with a smile, "it would have to be a certain dark haired lady with bluish

green eyes and a beautiful smile." "Oh for the love of Alagaesia," I said with some anger, "stop this ridiculousness at once. Kili, why don't you braid

your hair like everyone else?" Kili turned red, "Well, I'd rather not answer that," he said sheepishly. "Start talking or I'll scalp you," I threatened. "Well,

you get braids for the great things you have done, or if you are an heir, or are very brave. You also get special braids for saving your leader's life. I

have done none of those things, so I just keep it plain and simple." "So you have braids because you are Thorin's heir," I said turning to Fili, "so if he

gets married and has lots of kids you need to take those braids out?" "Nope," he said, "Since I am the first born, and was Thorin's heir at one time, I

still get a special precedence. I also saved his life once or twice so that is special to." "You did?" I asked with evident curiosity, "how?" He shrugged me

off, "Doesn't Ori have to ask Kili something?" I glared at him but he ignored me. _So royally polite. Must run in the family. _"Why don't you grow out

your beard?" said Ori with a mischievous smile. "no, I am not answering that," he exclaimed, "I will definitely not say. You sneaky little twerp," and he

glared wrathfully at little Ori. "You better tell them brother. The Truth alright. No dodging it now?" said Fili with an almost sadistic grin of glee on his

face. "No, I cant," groaned Kili. I saw this was really distressing him, "Hey, hey," I said with a tender tone in my voice, "its okay. You don't need to say

anything." He looked at me gratefully, "I'll tell you," he said softly, "just in private. Ori has been trying to wheedle the truth out of me for years. All

that Fili's fault," and he gave his brother the evil eye. "What do you like to do when you are bored?" asked Ori. "I became destructive, break things,

scream, and cut people's hair." I said with an evil sinister laugh. "who do you like best?" said Kili_. Oh my gosh, this stupid question has come up three _

_times_. "Ori," I said with a squeal, and gave him a big hug. The brothers rolled their eyes. "Have you ever been in love?" asked Fili. "No, nor do I plan

on doing so," I said, giving him a firm look. Meaning_: I don't plan on falling for you_! Allright, that helped the time pass by. I racked my brain for

another diversion. "I am going to come up with nicknames for you three since you are my BFFs," I said, "any ideas what I should call you?" "What is a

BFF?" asked Ori. "A Best Friend Forever," I said, "I have never had one before." They all looked at each other with puzzlement, "You have never had a

best friend?" said Kili, "why, I have always had Fili, and then I guess uncle, and then there was our stupid cousin who wasn't to bad." "Yeah, where I

come from, I am a bit of a loner," I said, adjusting myself on the saddle_. Daarniit, this was getting uncomfortable_. "Glad you think I am one of your

best friends," said Fili leaning in closer. Kili, Ori, and I all rolled our eyes. I swatted his arm, "Yeah sure your most Royal Highness, I am going to give

you a really cheesy nickname, so watch out!" We all laughed. "Later let's play Truth OR Dare," I said, "it's even more annoying than what we just

did. But not right now. Right now I am beat." I settled in the saddle and tried to get more comfortable. "Ugh, this is miserable." I groaned. My thighs

were as sore as sore could be. Bracing my hands on Ori's shoulders, I stood up on the horse's back, then carefully sat down to the side as if it was a

side saddle_. Agh, so much better_! Since I was in danger of falling off every second, I had to keep a tight arm around Ori's waist. "Now why cant that be

me," I heard Kili mutter. I just smiled_. Guys will be guys, whether in middle earth, earth, or some far far away planet, like Asgard, or Hoth_. We were

just riding along, enjoying the pretty scenery of a ethereal forest when Bomber's pony lost a shoe, causing it to go slightly lame. The dwarves decided

to stop in a glade and reshoe the horse, or it would become lame beyond hope. I yawned and stretched from the pony's back. It had to be about 1:00,

and I was ready for a little walking break, besides other things. I was about to slide off when bam wham whoah, Fili and Kili were there in front of me

offering to help me dismount_. For the love of Aule, a little personal space_. Sighing heavily and loudly, so they would maybe get the point that I was

fine, I take their hands. The other dwarves were already getting ready to reforge a horse shoe, so I wandered away for a privacy break.

**General POV**

Fili watched the girl wander off then went up to his brother, "Kili, there is a stream over there. If you want a chance to ride with the gal you better jump in

and look presentable." Kili just glared at his brother but went over toward the water. "Well?' Fili asked, grinning, as if looking forward to what he was

about to see. "Don't rub it," he said. He huffed and puffed several times, but finally sat down, took off his boots, great coat and weapons, and stepped

cautiously into the water. It wasn't high, just coming up to his waist, and very warm.

**Robin's POV**

I had just stepped out into the glade when I saw Kili in a stream dousing his head with water. He then jumped out and looked at me as if seeking my

approval. "That is no bath," I said, coming over, "you need to wash your hair, scrub a bit at those filthy clothes, and put on a suit or tie." "Wash my hair?"

he exclaimed, ignoring the part about the suit and tie, which he probably didn't understand. I went over to my pack, dug out the shampoo, conditioner,

and a comb, and came back over. Pouring a generous amount on his hair, I then sat down on the bank. "Run it through you hair and then scrub really

hard," I said, watching as he gave it a feeble go. "It might be easier if you did it for me," he said with a serious face. Fili laughed and sat down on the bank

next to me. I sighed, "Get back into the water and wet your hair again." He did as told, and I proceeded to scrub away. "When one has long hair it needs to

be washed often," I said, feeling embarrassed and wondering why I was doing this. "What about me?" asked Fili, highly amused at what I was doing. "You

have long hair to," I said, "you just got it all stowed up in fancy braids. After him, you are next." "You mean you'll do my hair to?" he asked, as if looking

forward to it. I rolled my eyes, "I am not your mother," I said sarcastically, "you are a big boy and can do it yourself. Kili is just still a little kid and needs to

be mothered. You are finished, kiddo." Fili took out all his braids and flopped his hair about, "It feels weird," he said with a tinge of a whine. "That is

because its disgustingly dirty," I said looking at it with a bit of fake revulsion, "yuck." "With you cleaning it, it soon wont be," he said with a wink. "That is

enough flirting from you," said Kili, and pulled his brother in, causing a loud splash. "You guys are hilarious," I said with a chuckle. "They are not hilarious,"

roared a voice in my eye. I gave a squeak in surprise and found myself suddenly in the water. I came up spluttering, "You are evil Dwalin," I said to his

retreating form, "you bald menace." _Did he just push me in? _I sighed. _Another bath wouldn't do me any harm. _I unbraided my hair and pulled off my

leather armor, throwing it on the bank, leaving me in my linen shirt and bodice. They both just stared at me. "You are beautiful," said Kili dreamily.

"Echoing my sentiments exactly, brother," said Fili, smirking at my red face. "What?" I exclaimed, "no no no. Wah, egads no," I splashed them vigorously

with water then tackled them both. They came up gasping for air. "No compliments like that," I said sternly. They just started laughing_. So nice to be _

_respected like that, huh_? "Are you going to do my hair?" asked Blondie. "Nah, better not," I said, looking at Thorin who had his back turned to us_. What a _

_relief_. "See,' said Kili with a smirk, "she likes me better." I got out of the water and flopped down. "No, no, NO," I said, "Fili is just so ladidadida that I'd

melt into a gooey mess if I came any closer." I stared at the two boys in the water, _No romance, I told myself, you don't want to get attached and then _

_wake up in your own room and never see them again. The risk, just not worth it. _"I am so glad that you like me better," he said, staring me in the eye. "Stop

being ridiculous," I said, "think of your uncle!" "Agh, who cares about him," said Kili, and he pulled me in, picked me up, spun me around, and then threw

me. "Stop goofing around," I yelled, and I splashed a wave in his face. We goofed off for a few minutes, and after Fili kept wheedling me and telling me

not to show partiality, I finally caved in and gave his hair a quick wash. I then showed them how to do cannon balls, and then we climbed out and sat on

the bank, where we dangled our legs in the water. I took this time to clean my hair then lay back in the sun filled grass with a sigh of contentment. The

grass was cushy and green, and a warm, comforting breeze blew, drying out our hair and clothes. "We will most likely be moving out in about an hour,"

said Fili, gazing at the tree tops. I glanced at him, his golden blonde hair pooling out on the grass. I then angled my head to look at Kili, his hair all shiny,

and I smiled. I looked back up at the sky, watching the sun through the leaves, and felt strangely peaceful and at home. "Will you ride with me now, fair

lady," came Kili's voice, just a faint breath in my ear. "I will consider it," I said, not committing to anything, "so, tell me why you wont grow out your

beard," I asked, just to change the subject. He sighed. "You cant tell anyone sweetheart, no one. Only Fili and I know." "Spit it out," I said. "Well, of course,

archery would be very hard to do with a beard getting caught in it and all, but, the real reason is because Fili and I did a stupid wager when we were kids,

and I lost." "Agh hah, so the villainous older brother is the root of the of the problem," I said with a laugh. "Yeah. I was just learning archery, and nobody

liked that I was doing it, since they thought it was to elvish, and my mother always said how she couldn't wait for my beard to grow out and then I would

have to stop. Fili and I had both gotten in trouble, sent to our rooms, without dinner. Anyway, ugh, are you sure you want to hear this?" I just gave him a

look. He sighed then continued, "We were angry, and ugh, young, well, long story short, we decided to run away." I looked at him sharply. "Don't look at

me," he said with a nervous laugh, "it wasn't my idea. Since I am the youngest, whatever, I followed his suggestion. We packed our things and went into

the hills right above our city. Of course, Thorin followed us. We were hiding in a little cliff, and we could see him from where we were. Oh, he was yelling

how we were going to get whipped. Oh, this is so embarrassing, and violent, maybe I shouldn't…" "If you stop I will scream in your ear," I said. He gritted

his teeth, "So, I was so dumb, I yelled out that he couldn't whip us if he couldn't find us. Of course he looked up. I yelled at him that he would never catch

us and we both took off running. As we were making our escape from an enraged uncle Fili yelled at me, "That was dumb. He is going to catch, and then

beat us." I just yelled back that he wasn't going to catch us. Even when we were fleeing for our lives, that dolt still had to make a bet. He said if we got

away he'd cut off all his hair, but if uncle caught us, I couldn't grow out my beard until I saved his life and uncle's." He stopped. "That isnt an embarrassing

story," I said, "but how did he catch you?" Kili wouldn't answer so his brother did. "Kili tripped over a root, fell into me, and thus, sealed our fates."

"Groovy," I muttered. "So what happened next?" "Um, a warg attacked us, tried to bite off Thorin's head, and Fili saved his life, and ours, in the process,"

said Kili looking at his brother with a small degree of jealousy. I squealed, ugh, so girlish, "That is so awesome Fili. You saved his life? That must be when

you got those braids." And I sat up and gave him an awkward hug. Then I gave Kili one to, "You guys are so neat," I said, "and trust me Kili, you look way

better without the beard," and I winked at him. He blushed slightly, "Glad you think so." "So, how did his High and Mightiness react to his bratty little

runaway nephew saving his royal hide?" I said with a bit of a sneer. "As you might expect," came yours truly from behind us, "he was honored with great

ceremony, and," he added with a hint of a smile, "they got out of their just punishment." I cocked my head and looked at him with puzzlement_. Did the _

_Great Grouchy Oakenshield just give us all a patronizing smile? Unbelievable_. He walked a way and all I could mutter was,"Crrreeeppy!" I sat up, shook

out my hair, which didn't have a shred of moisture left in it, and stretched. My velvet pants were all my dry, and my shirt was just a bit damp. It had been

nice, just laying in the sun for an hour doing nothing. Kili seemed all dried out, but his brother wasn't no lucky, having been pulled in in his great coat and

boots. I shook out my hair again and started combing it. I then tossed the comb at Kili but he just stared at me. "What?" I said with a bit of a snap. "Can you

comb my hair?" My mouth dropped open, "Buzz off and die, dude. I am not you mom, sister, girlfriend, wife, etc etc. Find someone else to coddle you."

"But there is no one else as pretty as you Robin," he said. I hit him on the head, "Stop flirting or I'll yell for Thorin." I gave him a seriously evil glare_. Thank _

_you Thorin. I learned it from you_. I froze in my mini tirade, watching with fascination as Fili braided his hair at lightening speed. "Whoah," I said_. Hey, I was _

_impressed. I'm a girl and not even my braids look that smooth and perfect_. "Did I impress you?" He asked with a teasing smile. I just gave a small nod.

"Here, look what I can do with yours." He sat down behind me and fiddled with my hair for a couple minutes, while Kili's dark eyes and his pretty face

grew as dark as a stormcloud. I felt so self conscious and girly, I felt like squealing. But my inner feminist squelched it. "all done," said Fili, turning me

around so he could look at my face. He must of liked what he saw, for an admiring smile split his features. I gazed into the water to see my reflection and

gave a small gasp. My hair was done up in an elaborate braided updo that that any bride or prom queen would envy. I smiled, "Thanks so much Fili." He

just gave me a smug self satisfied smile, got up, and walked away. I shook out my armor, folded it up, and went over to my pack and put it away. It was

warm out, and I didn't want my now clean shirt to develop body odor. I would just have to stay in my plain shirt. "That all looked very promising," said

Bofur, coming over with his pony, "dwarves braid the hair of people they have feelings for. Feelings as in more than friends" "Stow it!" I muttered. "Ooh Lass, did I hit a

sore spot, did…" I pulled his hat over his face, "I said "STOW IT. We are just friends. I am going to make sure it remains that way!" Kili just had

to choose that moment to saunter over. "Well?" he asked questionably. "Go ask your uncle," I said, trying to diplomatically deter him. I watched as Bofur

struggled with his hat. "I don't need his permission," the young prince said defensively. "But technically speaking I do," I growled. "He might soon be your

uncle," said Bofur saucily, freeing his face from his hat, "why don't you go ask him yourself?" "STOW IT," I roared loudly, yanking his hat really hard. I

steeled myself and walked over toward Thorin. "Your Highness," I said with a dramatic bow, "your youngest nephew is under the impression that I

promised to ride with him. Do I have your permission to do so?" "Yes." he said shortly. "That's all?" I felt he would have wanted to make me sweat a little

under a fearsome glare under normal conditions. "Yes. Just try to keep in mind what I told you," he said calmly, "I need those boys to be paying attention,

not loosing their minds to a women, ahem, a little girl whom they have known for about a week." "I am trying," I said with a small snort_, who likes being _

_called a little girl_? "not encouraging them or anything." "And washing their hair and acting like what I just saw is just being friendly?" he asked, a warning

edge in his voice. My pompousness deflated_. This guy was so annoying. And cool. And epic. Why was I on his bad side_? "In all seriousness sir," I said, trying

to be as respectful as possible, "I harbor no feelings toward them except as friends. I have the gut feeling that they have no true feelings for me either. I

am just a girl their age, and they are just competing with each other. At least, I hope that's it," I added. "You are no where near their age," he said, "they

are in their seventies and you are sixteen, a mere enfant_." I was insulted, and angry, and totally ticked off at this_. "Listen, your worshipfulness," I glared,

"where I come from, those two dunderheads would be in their early twenties. You, you royal pain, would be in your thirties. I did the math last night. I am

not an enfant either, just for clarification. At the age of sixteen, most young people are on the threshold of adulthood. So I am not even that much

younger than you, and when it comes to maturity, heheheh, I think we are about even." I paused for a breath and waited to see how he would react to my

long tirade. "We shall see," he said in his awesome Thorin voice and stalked off, leaving me puzzled and almost disappointed that I hadnt been yelled at.

When he has a rage, its terrifying yet majestic. Since he didn't do it to anyone else, I flattered myself I was somehow special in a way. (Like Director John

Ford, he'd scream his head off at the people he cared about, not that Thorin was anything like him.) Kili came over with his pony as soon as the coast was

clear and looked a question. "Yes, I can ride with you," I said, "but if you do any funny stuff, it's the end, and that's a promise." He just nodded his head in

agreement, helped me up, then swung up behind me. He had so much excitement written on his face, it was like a kid at a fair that had just won a prize. I

sighed, this was going to be annoying. "look at my brother's face," he whispered, "I think he's jealous." "No reason for that," I said, and waved sprightly at

Fili and Ori. I felt Mr. I'm So Handsome tense up, and he moved his horse away from his brother's_. Dude, what's the big deal? I was waving my hand for _

_goodness sakes_! This little maneuver didn't pass unseen for Bofur chuckled, "Weell bless mi buttons. The lads havent been rivals since they were in their

thirties. Over a girl no less." "Shut it," three voices yelled at him. "Come on lass, you'll have to choose one or the other before the journey's end."

"Gandalf, a little help here?" I called out to the wizard. He puffed on his pipe, blew a few rings then said, "If you did choose one of them you wouldn't be

having this conversation_." Are you serious? Did Gandalf really just say that? The meddling old coot_! "Blasted old man, not worth your keep," I muttered.

"What?" said Bilbo, staring at my angry face with a bit of understanding. "Forget it," I growled. Even with cute hats, Bofur and Gandalf could be more

annoying than they were worth.

**What did ya think? Somebody PMed me and like flamed me for having a triangle maybe rectangle thing. I was so hurt. They insinuated I was some type of weirdo. I was so sad I almost didn't want to post this chapter, but then I remembered my five reviewers and I took heart. The Story shall go on. I really cant be posting on the week days because of parents and pc time, but I decided to anyway. Hope You Liked It. Next chapter sneak peak: riding with Kili, maybe the game truth or dare, and the whole orc screams, fili and kili teasing bilbo thing. See Ya**

**Gandalf appears looking mad. He was able to exorcise the balrog, but he is fuming mad at me.**

**Authoress: Gives puppy eyes. "Not my fault. Please so please please please don't take my story away. Its all I have. _tries to cry but its to fake to sway Gandalf-**

**Gandalf: You are causing to much trouble. A balrog, a witch king, an angry ork. To much for me to handle.**

**Authoress: Its not my fault. Blame Peter Jackson. No, not the witch king again!**

**Gandalf: Return to whence you came foul creature,**

**Authoress: oh no, gandalf is about to get brained and obliterated. Handy Dandy Spell book.**

**Smaug: Where is my treasure? My gold? My rubies? My gems? Nooooooooooo!**

**Authoress: Does he sound creepily like Benedict Cumberbatch or what?**

**Smaug: Where am i? My precious! Starts crying.**

**Authoress:WOW! So emotional. Mr Dragon, could you maybe blast a bit of fire at that black hooded guy over there. - Dragon fixes her with a violent glare- squeak, maybe not such a good idea after all.**

**Thorin: I thought the dragon was at Erebor.**

**Authoress: Looks away and starts whistling.**

**Gandalf: This woman is a total imbecile.**

**Authoress: A what? Excuse me, you were the one who got sucked into his phone when I was about to be killed. It was self defense. I also saved your life, you gray bearded wiz.**

**Smaug: My beautiful treasure, all gone, all gone! Where is it?**

**Authoress: Poor guy, he's having an emo breakdown. While everyone is staring at Smaug wondering how he got here, I can sneak away and prepare to wreck more havoc myself on Middle Earth. Mwahhahaha**

**The Wacky MidAdventures of a Loono Authoress…. To Be Continued….**


End file.
